Encanto: a Disney introduction to Generational Trauma & Family Dysfunction, and how to heal yourself
Most people I know (and even many I don’t know) have been personally hit hard recently by the movie Encanto - by how open and obvious they show the dysfunctional family dynamics and also how they show to heal them. This is a good part of why this movie is so magical and resonates with so many people- its been a transformational movie for many. I'll be going into detail about intergenerational trauma and common dysfunctional family archetypes, relating them back to individual characters in the movie for identification, and discussing methods for healing within yourself, your own family, and in some cases the family of origin.
Coincidentally, this is also the kind of career work I’ve been moving into the past 4 years and have been researching even longer, so I was amazed and thrilled to see Disney really go deep into these harmful archetypes and the healing/transcending of them. I’ve been focusing a lot with clients on toxic family/relationship dynamics and trauma- focusing on the toxic archetypes and disconnecting/healing from them, and this year one of my personal goals is to look into going back to school for psychological Jungian archetype work within family and relational units, or to hopefully get certified in this and continue my work in a more clinical setting than the spiritual holistically focused life coaching I’ve been doing (we will see what is available to me on that path anyway, but I already incorporate what I know into my current work). So this movie and the reaction from it has made me want to do a huge breakdown of the whole thing to make these dynamics more clear for everyone, and this is definitely a huge and intricate breakdown- it might take you a few bites of this article to dig into it well. Hopefully this can help people who have been touched by Encanto to heal and enable only supportive relationships in their lives, but it’s still just scratching the surface and in some cases oversimplifying it all- these family systems are in reality a massive entanglement that creates our base programming, so it’s probably one of the most difficult things you can dive into. When doing this work, remember to be gentle with yourself and surround yourself in non-judgment, patience, love, and appreciation for the gains you make and the difficult path you are deciding to travel, no matter how small or indistinguishable you may think it all is. And if you would like assistance with your path or healing, this the kind of work I have done for 10 years now, and I would be happy to offer my services to assist you- to look deep into your situation and discover the roots of it all, to recommend techniques, personal rituals, specific book recommendations, or tips and tricks to aid you on your path of healing and integration (most clients get homework but it’s fun and healing stuff tailored to your particular journey 😘).
Read on for an intense breakdown of toxic familial roles/archetypes, their origins in trauma or family/generational trauma, and how to heal and integrate them. You will likely recognize yourself in at least one of these roles as most family systems are built upon rigid mutual expectations and trauma denial rather than mutual understanding and healing.
***Please keep in mind I will do my best not to give actual spoilers to this movie but I will be referring to the characters and their roles in the family dynamics***
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Encanto has many layers and I love it so much for this. For the purposes of this article I’ll be glossing over the obvious layers of Latinx culture and specific Latinx cultural wounds in the movie to get deep into my more universal points, but I don’t want to erase that layer either because it’s just as important, so I’m mentioning it here- it would make a whole post or more in itself that I’m not as qualified to write. One of the main layers aside from the cultural layers in the movie is generational trauma, generational wounds, and generational healing- how it shows up in families as toxic expectations and toxic family roles (remember something is not technically labeled dysfunctional unless it harms or causes repetitive trauma to those within the system, but if you notice these patterns, it’s a great idea to recognize and work on them now before they become dysfunctional). Beneath the roots of the Latinx family you see on the screen (which was a wonderful way to implement this message so we can all identify in more emphatic ways towards Latinx people) was the original intent Disney had to explore family dynamics in a healing way (see attached article about this).
Usually (but not always) these wounds originate with the elder in the family (in the movie this is obviously Abuela Alma) and almost always is born from unprocessed trauma, unrecognized or untreated mental illnesses (which is often a symptom of childhood trauma itself but not always), or unprocessed toxic family roles that were passed down to them from traumas that originated from their own elders. In this way, all toxic family dynamics originate from individual trauma passed down as toxic or extreme expectations, roles, and archetypes that others in the family are forced into so the family can save face or continue to function with that elder (or conversely so that person with the trauma can save face, avoid exposing an ego wound, or continue to function within a family dynamic without the acknowledgment and healing needed). The elders/kingpins of the families are the ones that need to become aware and choose to heal themselves and the family- as the movie shows- or it will be virtually impossible for the family as a whole to heal properly while that person is alive (or really at all if the family buys into the necessity of the archetypal drama at play). The elders (kingpin archetype) are the ones needing to “give permission” for others in the family to step out of their toxic and harmful roles as they are usually the ones holding the power and expectations in the family dynamics. This is why I call them the kingpins- this whole archetypal family drama hinges and revolves around them. If someone seems to always bring the fault, blame, drama, and shame to others in the family but either refuses to learn from past mistakes or refuses to apologize or be held accountable themselves, they are a likely candidate for the kingpin role. Like Abuela Alma, this person is rigid, unchanging, and stuck in their ways even if it causes themselves and others pain. They are unwilling to reassess the family dynamics because it bypasses their power and influence on the family that is seen as absolute (and they truly believe they are the only ones who can hold it together alone). They usually see this power as only their responsibility, often a kind of divine right of kings responsibility only given to them (and they may talk about their family responsibility often), but they do not take responsibility for their actions or the results of their actions as relating to keeping and enforcing this responsibility of power- it’s only responsibility in name for the sake of holding power over others (others choices, agency, and as the role of kingpin), and not in action for the sake or benefit of the individuals in the family (as the movie demonstrated), though they usually will believe this is their function or will choose to believe this as it’s the least painful choice. It is easiest for the family to heal from this toxic dynamic if the elder/kingpin is able to see this drama/power dynamic for what it really is- painful illusion that harms the whole family unit- and to decide to acknowledge it and their part in it so it may be released, allowing the space for growth and healing- but unfortunately, this best case scenario is rarely the case.
This is not to say that all the power lies only with that elder/kingpin. Other family members can see through the toxic system and fight for the release of these toxic family archetypes if they band together to do so, like intervention, but that is very rare as well because NO ONE wants to be the scapegoat. The scapegoat is the one who the blame and shame of the family is dumped upon, whom others issues are deflected or mirrored upon, and who is gaslit for stepping out of line, but is not completely ostracized from the family- instead they are kept close and used as a “whipping boy” to dispel any shame in the family- in the movie it’s Mirabel. Another similar and almost identical archetype is the black sheep. The black sheep is the one who is ostracized, intentionally (or even unintentionally but repeatedly) left out of the family, and often also blamed but usually from a far distance and without representation or ability to defend themselves (or to even know their “crimes”). They essentially are made into a bad boy, a caricature, or fable of what not to do and how not to act within the family unit (whether they actually “did” anything or not, and often there are not any definitive examples pointed to that should actually warrant such ostracizing), or they are straight demonized. This is of course Bruno in the movie. I’ll be referring to both archetypes together though because they are almost the same exact thing and can be interchangeable. The scapegoat/black sheep usually carries loads of shame, unrecognized trauma patterns, self doubt and has trouble with self trust, and often falls into patterns of anxiety or depression and even self harm or harmful/risky behaviors. These people are often deeply traumatized by their role, struggle with fear of rejection, likely have at least mild relational and/or personality disorders, don’t usually trust others but may be experts at hiding that, and may have unrecognized childhood ptsd or childhood aces. When healing, they may have trouble with boundaries, overreactions on boundaries, and asking for help or for their needs. They almost always feel like a burden, though some who are more angry about their role may lash out while others trying to overcome their role (which will never happen) may try to distance the family or be completely self sufficient and not “need” the family. They are seen as the problem of the family, whether they are actually a problematic person or not, but they usually put up a front of some kind to survive and to protect themselves- seemingly acting oppositional, angry, dismissive, disaffected, impulsive, moody (teenager like), or making jokes or embracing escapism in an attempt to deflect crushing shame and pain placed on them as fault by the family unit or to keep a positive sense of self. They are seen as defiant when attempting to express personal boundaries or stand up for themselves and will be seen as the one instigating when they were trying to de-escalate. They are not usually understood by other members of the family which makes it hard to relate to the other members of the family in return (obviously), or makes it awkward at best when they do try to connect (plus the rest of the family doesn’t trust them and trusts instead the lies/lore being told about them). The rest of the family makes it virtually impossible for this archetype to fit in or identify with the rest of the family, or to even recognize/acknowledge what is continually traumatizing them (making it very difficult to come to terms with ongoing trauma which easily leads to chronic personality disorders over time) so often this archetype doesn’t even try, instead choosing to define themselves in their own ways outside the family system, further pushing them into the periphery, cast in the role of “other” or “outsider”, making them visibly different than the rest, and because of this they can often be viewed as a rebel or rule breaker even when they are not being actively scapegoated or doing anything wrong. This role is often a self fulfilling prophecy either by the family themselves or the scapegoat/black sheep.
Often it can be the same person serving both the roles of black sheep and scapegoat, we will talk about all this more, and anyone who defies the toxic family social order is usually made to fill the role of scapegoat/black sheep or made to step in this role for a moment to scare them back into submission (and often the scapegoat/black sheep would be all too happy to leave their role, so they may not even stick up for the person coming out about the toxic family roles to avoid their predestined fate as scapegoat/black sheep and instead receive a new and better role). The other problem is that if the black sheep/scapegoat (which again could be two separate people or even a couple of people in the same role who always are blamed for everything in the family or are simply excluded, not liked, stand out as “different”, or made at fault for things) decides to leave the family dynamic, eventually someone else MUST take their place and subconsciously everyone knows this. So there’s a kind of breadcrumbing that happens to keep the scapegoat/black sheep around just enough that they can allow the roles and the family drama to continue functioning. Someone from the family unit will likely reach out to try to bring the scapegoat/black sheep back around using just a bit of the kindness or unity the scapegoat/black sheep craves to get them to yo-yo back around which creates a trauma bond for this archetype. And even if the other family member means what they say, it is still abusive because that kindness and unity will disappear as soon as the scapegoat/black sheep either comes back or leaves for good- that support is not there in the moment of ongoing trauma when it’s most needed, and often the trauma doesn’t look like abuse because it’s usually invisible abuse like emotional and spiritual abuse. The toxic family dynamic NEEDS a scapegoat/black sheep in order to function in its toxicity, otherwise everyone would be forced to confront all their own toxic wounds, traumas, and ego wounds, they would be forced to accept responsibility for their own failings, traumas, bad behavior, etc, and the roles would fail, everyone would see their own awful ego wounds, their own faults and the pain they’ve been causing, and the veil holding the whole production up would fall. Without the scapegoat/black sheep, there is no real family drama offloading at play, everyone would be responsible for their own issues and own drama- soooo naturally this means the scapegoat/black sheep is seen as THE drama, THE problem, and the lore/lies compound and spread. We don’t talk about Bruno- except that we really do love to because it makes us feel better about ourselves…
So basically the two opposing but main roles in toxic family dynamics are the kingpin whom the whole stage play revolves around, which again is usually the elder who holds or demands the most weight and consideration in a family system even if only from the shadows, and the scapegoat/black sheep who is forced to bear the sins, shame, and dysfunction of the family. Because of their opposition and interconnectedness, both these roles usually exist within a black/white paradigm only seeing others as either good or bad (kingpin) or only seeing themselves as good or bad (scapegoat/black sheep) and usually nothing in between. Part of breaking this cycle is refusing to buy into these extremes and embracing the middle ground which leads to healing. The rest of the family roles only serve to prop up the kingpin (stroking their ego) and to keep the scapegoat/black sheep in its place as family sacrifice. One last thought on black sheep vs scapegoat- the scapegoat is a result of massive dysfunction including mirroring, deflection, blame, shame and transference of guilt, whereas a black sheep *could* be indicative of less widespread and less rigid family dynamics but is still indicative of dysfunction within the family unit (however if it’s both archetypes, it is usually pretty serious dysfunction as shown in the movie, where the scapegoat will eventually be rejected by the whole family unit for sake of acceptance by the kingpin).
It’s also difficult to identify and heal these family dynamics because those in the toxic roles almost never know what the actual unhealed trauma is that’s keeping them stuck in these roles- they can feel it, they can often feel where or who it’s coming from if they are being honest and not falling for the scapegoat/black sheep bait and switch, but they don’t often know what the actual trauma at the roots are to fix it. And let me stress here you CAN’T fix something that is not your own trauma- others can support you but no one can “fix” (integrate) your trauma except yourself. The other issue here with identification is deflection- the elder/kingpin will almost always deflect the origin of trauma onto the scapegoat and create a huge drama around it all so everyone stops paying attention to the kingpin’s wounds to earn the kingpin’s approval but keeping the scapegoat/black sheep actively in their role. Now let’s move onto the supporting characters…
Unfortunately, as with the character Luisa, those family members will know something is awful and not right and hate their role, maybe even empathizing with the scapegoat here and there or feeling guilt for the scapegoat, but at least they are not the black sheep or scapegoat and the thought of being in that role keeps them in line enough to continue the cycle where nothing changes. Luisa is the “strong one” or “beast of burden” or “rock” archetype, the one expected to help everyone else and shoulder the family’s burdens, toxicity, and trauma without objection- the one who has to deal with the fallout of everything, the cleanup crew, the fixer, the over achiever who is never allowed to say no and is expected to be perfect in an action sort of way (this archetype shares commonality with the doer/hero, the one expected to do everything- they are *almost* identical). In return they receive positive attention and are a sense of pride for the family as they show how “good” the family is. But they are used like a commodity and may feel objectified a lot, unseen and unknown beyond their actions. They likely feel worthless if they cannot be of service (as said in the movie) and often are taught not to have any boundaries or personal limits/needs. This person likely finds it difficult to ask for their needs and likely feels they are a burden if they cannot provide for themselves AND others (a higher level than how the scapegoat/black sheep may feel). They often are not doing what it is they want to be doing, working themselves raw for a sense of praise and false belonging. They also are one of the least likely to be seen as a threat as they essentially do the bidding of the kingpin and the family unit. But ironically, if they stop being of service or stop doing, they truly could end up becoming disposable, especially in a more toxic environment. This archetype has a deep primal fear of failure because of this- failure feels like literal death.
This sometimes but not as often mixes with the golden child dynamic (Isabella), the one who can do no wrong as long as they surrender their own will and personality to people please, to help the family to feel normal and good, and make the others in the family unit feel good about themselves- especially the kingpin. The golden child is considered “perfect” and all others are compared to them. This golden child is a kind of badge that the family (especially kingpin) wears with pride, as though this perceived perfection is somehow their own doing and should reflect back to them, as this archetype acts as proof that the family is in fact NOT dysfunctional, that the kingpin is doing a good job as “family leader” (if the kingpin is in the role of family leader, but usually they always are in one way or another) and allows those family members who buy into the family dynamic to believe or trick themselves into believing nothing is actually wrong. This illusion will work as long as the golden child stays golden anyway- if they don’t, there is a possibility they could suffer the wrath of the family and become the scapegoat unless they then find a way to transfer blame to the scapegoat, thus the “you’re a bad influence” comment in the movie because it couldn’t possibly be the golden child choosing to do something out of character. The golden child is seen as proof of the perfect goodness in the family even though this archetype must surrender themselves to this false sense of perfection and goodness- which in itself is a lesser kind of scapegoat to sacrifice oneself for any external proof of “sins” the family may have otherwise. The golden child finds their worth and value through others eyes, and has the potential to develop a certain codependency around this (all players in this family drama have codependency issues, but this one in particular can be devastating if no longer viewed as perfect and good). This archetype shines like gold to the outside onlookers and dazzles them, making them blind to any dysfunction present deeper within.
There is also a similar role, the peacemaker, who gives up their own needs to simply placate everyone else rather than to dazzle and shine (very similar in certain ways here to the golden child and often a person is both). Often the peacemaker is playing by the skewed rules, logic, and justice of the kingpin and not normal rules of justice or logic common outside the family. I think in Encanto, the peacemaker is Antonio and I think they show him to take both sides and help both sides (Mirabel and Bruno vs Abuela Alma), which can in fact happen in the family dynamic and can be a confusing and difficult road for the peacemaker to navigate- they can’t always keep both sides happy and they can’t always choose both sides and keep it fair. This is usually a special hell for them, also adding to the anxiety- someone will be unhappy no matter what they choose, but if it’s the kingpin, they may fall out of favor. Worse is when they are expected to sacrifice their own moral choice to stay in line for the family, over time decisions like this can take their toll on this archetype. Additionally, their own personal sense of judgment or moral judgment can get confused especially if they are a child and cannot navigate these conflicting moral codes within the family landscape and the external world. In both archetype’s cases though the person surrenders their own will and desires to the family or kingpin’s expectations and desires and again these two specific dynamics can sometimes fall upon the same person.
Pepa would be the emotionally reactive one or “drama queen”, though towards the end of this paragraph I will take her archetype in a different direction than the movie did as there can be specific variations on this particular archetype. The drama queen is reactively emotionally affected by the family discord, the one who expects everyone will continue placating the kingpin to avoid the discord, the one who cannot stand dealing with the kingpins personal disapproval and will second the kingpins decisions/openly support the kingpin or have an emotional meltdown to remain in their good graces because they know if they became the scapegoat their potential for emotional reaction would likely keep them in that spot and they likely couldn’t deal with it. They are deeply affected by the toxic emotional dumping, emotional and other unseen (or seen) abuse, and they don’t know how to tune it out or turn it off- they are hardwired to feel everything dumped onto them (emotional trauma/drama) and it’s hard for them to expel this without amplifying, illuminating or exacerbating the underlying issues in the family system. They are usually overloaded and overwhelmed and wish to placate (if they are this kind of drama queen anyway). They are often told they are over reactive, too sensitive, they are gaslit and blamed for the emotions dumped on them that are then hard for them to control or process. So they are constantly overwhelmed by them all, suffering from burnout, high levels of stress and fatigue, and likely chronic illnesses or colds/flu (and likely sleeping problems). They may insist everyone gets along and pretend everything is fine as they bury their own needs, just catering to their own and everyone else’s emotional responses rather than needs, living in reactivity (though to them it’s reading and gauging the room). They likely don’t understand themselves when triggered which likely scares them and have poor boundaries with an emotional reaction that can sometimes be extreme whenever these unknown boundaries are crossed (everyone needs to be careful around them, they can be viewed as a problem child when the problem is actually the family dynamic they are finely attuned to), so it’s often confusing for them and they are likely to deal with a large amount of gaslighting. This representation of this archetype so far has them likely trying to be supportive and a good listener, which is why they may get dumped on so much. So far this description tracks with the movie, but now I’m taking this archetype farther into other possibilities… There’s another type of drama Queen which seems more self centered and just trying to get by on top without getting too hurt in a chaotic family system. This kind is seen as self centered and manipulative as they will do whatever they can to get their needs and wants met through subversive means. They may or may not actually be intending to be self centered and manipulative though, this specific archetype can fall to become a black sheep easily or instead mix with the golden child dynamic and essentially get away with mur*der. They can use their emotional reactivity as a kind of smoke screen or shield from being too controlled by the family dynamic, allowing for some personal boundaries and safe space for themselves behind the emotional reactions. However this often can be a manipulative tactic for getting their way or skirting any responsibilities themselves. This can even go so far as being attention seeking behavior used to get their needs met and often others in the family dynamic are not interested in the increase of drama that would follow if they do not comply. Dolores could be considered a lighter and more amusing version of this kind of drama Queen as she was the rumor mill of the family, but her role in Encanto definitely doesn’t truly encapsulate this kind of drama Queen. This person has the hardest road to walk as it could be easier for them to fall into the position of scapegoat than other roles, thus the drama intensifies the closer they get to a negative outcome. Although on the flip side, this archetype also can easily become the next kingpin in their own toxic system as it can be a self centered archetype (though not always intentionally).
There are also roles such as the lost child (the one who is basically invisible- I’m surprised they didn’t give someone that ability in Encanto honestly). Instead they gave it to the shapeshifter cousin Camilo who is largely allowed to do what he wants and cause fun mischief unabated as long as he stays away from the family wound or from upsetting the kingpin, which he does of course. This archetype doesn’t have many expectations placed on them, and they are not pushed hard either, which at least takes the spotlight and pressure off them (unlike some of the other archetypes we’ve explored so far), but it does make them largely invisible and prone to learning/developmental disabilities. They are also more likely to keep their true feelings and opinions to themselves and not trust anyone with their inner world for fear of rejection, ostracism, or ire- if no one knows then they can be safe, their inner world sacred and protected. Because of this, they often are great with problem solving and are usually rather self sufficient because they are always watching and thinking and doing things behind the scenes covertly rather than openly doing or putting themselves in the spotlight or asking for help. Is it better to remain unseen and not largely understood but also largely out of the way from becoming the next scapegoat? It’s a trade off the lost child is likely willing to make given the choices. This invisible archetype often is able to provide some levity (usually zingy one liners and then disappear again as they show in the movie) as they are not usually in direct fire or range of the kingpin.
Camillo is also potentially the joker/clown archetype (to some degree anyway) which can easily work with the lost child archetype as both these archetypes are typically ignored and not taken seriously unless they start to make waves or confront the kingpin. As with kings and jesters, the clown/joker can sometimes poke fun in a way that no one else would be able to, and they can usually get away with a bit more than others in the family system, but it’s all superficial and their levity hides the dysfunction and painful emotions beneath the surface both within themselves and the family system- minimizing the pain being caused and allowing for denial of the family problems altogether. This archetype runs the risk of feeling utterly alone and the negative emotions compounding with no one to turn to- the sad clown. They stand out to make up for this, but since they stand out so much they almost always follow the group consensus and are actually a pretty good indication of what the group consensus in the family unit is. They are great at gauging this and keeping themselves firmly within it so not to gain ire while stepping outside it at times for comedic relief and to release the pressure building within themselves and the family unit. They are basically a walking barometer for the family and are one of the least assertive or even least personally defined archetypes and may feel lost at their core, not really knowing who they truly are.
The caretaker/enabler (obviously Mirabel’s mother Julietta who can heal anything with her food) and is the one trying to placate everyone to get in line to the kingpin. They don’t keep good personal boundaries, often trying to soften the blow for people and take on issues that aren’t theirs which often allows others to drop their guard around them finding them to be helpful and open, but they remain devoted to the kingpin and usually enable them and enable the dysfunction by denying the root familial problems, helping to deflect blame from the kingpin, making excuses or gaslighting the perceived problem person/ scapegoat, which can then lead to the higher vibration archetype of this role- the martyr.
The martyr is the one who openly sacrifices and suffers for everyone else whether or not they needed to or were required to. It’s the need for any kind of reciprocity that brings about this higher octave and also usually makes them very codependent. The martyr also has boundary issues and likely is originating in another archetype that cannot say no (like the caretaker or enabler), gets completely and utterly depleted, and rather than seeing through the dysfunction develops a secret inner resentfulness they also despise about themselves, making the passion play of their self sacrifice more externally dramatic so everyone can see how much they do so hopefully they can get some reciprocation and acknowledgment (which is really all any in this family system desire- acknowledgement, to be seen for who they really are and not false or fabricated or past versions of themselves- to be understood, but it’s very codependent).
As a side note, the Saint is an archetypal spin off of this martyr and the golden one- particularly when religions are in play, and is often an additional role several people can employ in addition to other roles when someone in the family is of a different spiritual ideology and is cast out as “fallen” or “living in sin” or “wayward”. Anyone can add this “Saint” to their archetype to make it more self righteous, especially when the scapegoat/black sheep is also a “fallen” archetype. This just creates an additional 3D layer to the dysfunction, automatically making those who take up the mantle more “right” than those who don’t have it. We don’t have a real category yet for Dolores who was kind of the gossip as no secret was safe with her. She had a way of spinning it so she was a little self righteous and the person who was catching the negative would really catch it, so I guess I’ll associate her with this archetype, since her gossip could make someone become “fallen”, and was more an additional factor in things rather than the main factor in deciding roles.
I’ve seen other roles talked about but these are generally the main roles you see over and over. Keep in mind roles usually are all subconscious, so those trapped in these roles don’t feel capable of bringing their needs out into the open, asking for what they need, or coming together in a state of love and openness. Everything is driven from a state of lack and fear rather than love and understanding and believing in each other (or even truly knowing who everyone really is). And all this pain and suffering directly benefits the kingpin- again all these cycles of pain are mostly subconscious coming from unobserved and unhealed personal trauma or passed on unhealed toxic family dynamics from others before you. The kingpin benefits from all this by never having to come to terms with their own ego wound, never taking responsibility for their own healing, and instead making it the rest of the family units’ responsibility to accept fault for all the negative resulting from it as well as the responsibility of holding it all together and never calling it out. The kingpin has high levels of anxiety, of disassociation from reality and the reality of those around them, and is in truth even more lonely than the scapegoat/black sheep (who usually goes off in search of their own tribe) even though the kingpin is surrounded by a whole family unit that’s trying to placate the kingpin’s unexamined emotional/ego wounds, hoping for some love and understanding in return from the kingpin. Then these patterns are often passed down the family lines.
Thus generational wounds- they don’t usually end when the kingpin dies, although that is often the best opportunity to end them in that cycle, it often repeats in the new family cycle- each unit taking their roles into their new families or choosing out of desperation to play an opposite role. The problem is these roles as a wardrobe are toxic, they are not meant to be static but archetypes we work through for healing and integration- we are ALL these archetypes and we all have USED these archetypes on others, and we must learn to release the need to turn to them, instead accepting responsibility for our own pain and our own wounds and our own trauma, even if we had no hand on inflicting it upon ourselves- it is ours to integrate and heal no matter how we received it. This is the only way to heal these patterns so you do not continue to pass them on.
We also may try to take on a different role in the family dynamic if we are unhappy with our own preassigned role, such as the scapegoat trying to recast themselves as the mascot/joker/clown, although this rarely works as more than a temporary smokescreen- the person in the family dynamic with the most power who holds the most unexamined trauma and refuses to accept that unexamined ego wound and work on it, in the process healing the family dynamic within them and the need for everyone else to act as a smokescreen for taking responsibility for their own wounds, is the one who actually controls the family roles and dynamics. You are likely in the dynamic you don’t want because it benefits this person and everyone else will do everything they can not to be in your unwanted role. The biggest problem with family roles is that we often play more than one, they can blend a bit, and others in the family dynamic may or may not not see our roles for what they really are. So often there is a lot of gaslighting, or self righteousness where others claim to be the scapegoat/black sheep but are actually not (yet another smokescreen- usually by the kingpin holding it all together- in the case of Encanto it is Abuela Alma), and it can be difficult sometimes to know or trust your own dynamic, your own role for what it actually is, especially if you are being gaslit or have two roles you play.
If the elders or others within the family roles and dynamics choose not to opt for healing and change and integration (which is normally how these things go down because everyone is afraid of emotional intimacy because this is not a safe environment when anyone could be cast into the role of outsider), the only thing left is to leave the family system and there are many ways to do this. You can limit your exposure to it while you heal yourself. This will lead to a breaking point more likely than not where you will either confront the system or leave (Mirabel did both before her grandma came to her senses) but this is Disney, the elder rarely comes to their senses because their ego subconsciously means more than you do, protecting their ego wound means more to them than healing the whole family- so you must be ready to leave knowing they will put the weight of all the toxicity on your shoulders as the scapegoat- you will never get rectification, you will never get an apology, you will never get healing from this individual or likely from the rest of the family (you may get distant pity from the rest of the family but that’s it). You must prepare yourself for this because the ego wants rectification, an apology, or even just some acknowledgement of what you went through by those who put you through it. You will never get this, not even if you stay in the family system, so it’s better in this case (most cases) to simply cut ties with it, walk away, and form your own family unit with healthy dynamics - which also can look like many things- an actual new family/new tree with new roots from your healed family trauma which takes lots of time to heal and rectify in your own mind, a new family dynamic through heart friends, very close knit bonds with friends or close community that replaces the toxic roles you were given, or any other number of ways. This can be done by literally walking away from the family and never coming back, ghosting them forever, or the hardest one to do, drastically limiting your exposure to the family and refusing to pay a role or feed into family dynamics when you are present (which is VERY hard to do because you are WIRED by your family trauma they gave you to react when they push on that trauma, and they know exactly how to push you back into your role- remember you have to release your primal desires to have them see anything from your perspective or to even see you for any reality of who you really are- you will never be understood or heard and holding onto hope of this will cause you nothing but repeated pain every time you see your family).
So that’s it. That’s how you heal family trauma by yourself- you can only heal yourself and remove yourself from the trauma- stop the patterns and drama within you, integrate it, heal it, and recognize yourself in all the archetypes (empathize by putting yourself in all archetypes as Mirabel does)- unless by some miracle the elder/kingpin in your family has an epiphany or others within the dysfunctional system group together and confront the elder/kingpin (or the one causing the issues- but it’s usually an elder with power in the family dynamic who is the kingpin)- in the toxic family system it’s set up to look like the scapegoat or black sheep is the problem so the kingpin or true cause of the issues is protected behind at least one smoke screen, so it’s just as possible the whole family would confront the scapegoat rather than the real problematic kingpin). This entire toxic stage show is made from the dynamics of an unobserved ego wound resulting from unhealed personal trauma or an unobserved ego wound resulting from this same stage show being passed down so long through the generations. Somewhere back there was unhealed personal trauma that resulted in this farce- and to make matters more difficult, it’s usually BOTH- it’s usually a combination of toxic family roles/expectations/archetypes coupled with unhealed personal trauma that not only keeps these cycles going but even strengthens the cycles into something even more toxic (often abusive at this point), which then passes on the initial trauma along with the toxic family dynamics.
In these family systems we love to point the blame onto anyone who is “less good” than we are and I’m here to point out that if you recognized yourself or your family in any of these roles in a toxic way, that just being a part of the dynamic at all is the whole problem. In these family systems, no one is better or worse, more or less at fault- everyone shares blame and fault equally. The only way to break free of these toxic patterns is to take responsibility for your part in them, heal your part within you, and either walk away, refuse to play your part, and/or help to call out the paradigm for healing. Anything else is enabling the system.
You don’t have to be part of it anymore. You can unsubscribe. You can opt out. You can leave. It will be hard, you will need support from good people in your life outside the family system, but you can say NO and choose yourself. It is not selfish, it’s the only way to break these patterns that aren’t yours- and in doing so you must heal your own trauma so you do not pass it on and continue these cycles. Sometimes there is still room for you, your true self to shine, in these toxic family systems but usually there is not any more room for you to find or be yourself inside these family systems. You cannot force a space for yourself, but you can go elsewhere and find the space you need, the space you crave, inside a system you consciously build to support your own healing and growth as well as the healing and growth of those you love- you can create a space that sees you for who you truly are outside a system that uses you for what it wants, and you can make that space reciprocal for others to be seen for who they truly are and cherished for just showing up in supportive ways. You begin by creating this space within yourself and not allowing others to take from that peace. Then you extend it slowly to those safe heart connections around you. You get to decide, you owe no one anything, not even your family of origin. And you can always re-evaluate these connections as needed to support yourself and others. This is what healthy connections look like. Even if you didn’t have healthy connections in your family system of origin, you can create this for yourself now one step at a time. Start with yourself, that’s all you have power over anyway.
